Post-Ortho Reflections

Technically, my orthopaedic surgery posting at NUH has ended. But with EOPT looming tomorrow and 2 days after, although the end is in sight, the posting is far from over. As my dearest clinical group-mate was telling me the night before, my blog is dead. So, after having studied for a while, I've decided to take a break while waiting for Federer's 2nd round match at Roland Garros to start, and revive my blog with with Venus Williams playing in the background. Not to say that I'm done with studying (seriously, when will/can one EVER be done with studying anything in medicine).

Haven't had a long posting since the end of General Surgery posting in October 2009. Seniors say that 8 weeks of Orthopaedics is more than enough and in fact, a little too long for most people's liking. But at the end of 8 weeks, I feel that I've seen a lot of patients, seen most conditions that are 'must-know-must-see', but still not seen enough. Knowledge-wise, I feel like I know a bit of everything, but if you ask me to tell you about some particular condition, I probably can only do so in segmented bits and pieces. I guess preparing for MCQs and OSCEs is definitely different from preparing for essays. Perhaps there is merit in preparing for essays after all, which I believe we have to in 5th year, when we will be mugging like there's no day and night, and will be a real pain. But apart from content, these 8 weeks are worth reflecting upon.

I have had the privilege of having 2 different tutors in AH and NUH respectively. I can't belabour how very different they are, in their personality and attitude towards medical students. My mentor at AH is a really dedicated tutor, often willing to stay late, very late into the evenings to give us tutorials. I've got to admit that sometimes, this gets on my nerves because it disrupts my plans and schedules, but I really can't, and shouldn't fault a person for sacrificing his personal and family time to teach me. You definitely know this is the case when his wife and daughter call repeatedly to ask whether he's on his way back for dinner.

Probably not everyone would agree this is the right thing to do, and certainly it is not for me to judge. But it made me think, will I be like this in future? I'm quite certain I have workaholic tendencies, and while I know that there are greater and more important things than work.. I really don't know. Will my family, wife and kids (if I ever do have them. haha.) 'assess' me as someone who is so passionate and dedicated to his art and support wholly and fully for it, or secretly grudge that I'm someone who places them 2nd to his obsession with work. Everyone says 'balance', but I really wonder whether I'll be convicted to attain that.

Moving on to my experience at NUH. Initially, I thought I got the tutor from hell. Or so I heard from others. But after a week to two, my partner and I slowly adjusted and adapted, and we realised, 'hey, there's another side to this tutor after all', even as he slowly warmed up to our 'presence' (or so I believe, or hope). Into the 2nd week, he gave me and my partner each one patient to 'take care of', well that basically entails us giving him twice daily updates on how the patient's doing and so forth. Initially, this was a chore. I thought this was actually an effective way for him to track how early we come to hospital and how late (or early) we left. As time went by, this actually made me feel part of the team (or division, which comprised only 3 people, which effectively made me and partner the associate deputy vice heads of the division) caring for the patient. I wouldn't even mind checking on the patient in the morning, go home to study for the whole day, and coming back in the evening just to check on the patient again. Perhaps it's part due to obligation, but feeling part of the team and being involved in (and responsible for, though not directly) in the care of the patient, felt good.

I realise that I'm someone who is motivated by responsibility and obligation. (On a side note, must obligation have a negative connotation?) Some may think that there's a contradiction or irony in that statement, but I don't really think so, because I'm happy and it gives me satisfaction to fulfill my obligations. I tend to base a lot of my actions on meeting people's needs. It is a strong incentive for me to know that I can meet someone's needs.

Although my tutor isn't exactly the easiest person to work under/with, I have to say that he is a brilliant man. And for some reason, I can't bring myself to fault him for being arrogant or anything, because at the end of the day, his patients are grateful to him, those in his team learn substantially from him, and he deservedly does have the right to say that he is the best in his field. Maybe this gives his patients the confidence they need to have in him. And so it is with a tinge of regret to not have bade him and his team a proper farewell today in the midst of a busy clinic. Never before have I felt so attached to a team, and I think I'll definitely miss this feeling.

It's time to end this post. Federer's match has been repeatedly interrupted by rain. And just a passing thought to end off, I guess no matter how close you can be and how much fun you can have with a group of people, tensions do arise. Sometimes I wonder whether I get tired of being my persona, and desire to my 'self'. But there's this fear that people will 'react' to you not being your persona, therefore affecting group dynamics. The tensions in life.