Post-Ortho Reflections

Technically, my orthopaedic surgery posting at NUH has ended. But with EOPT looming tomorrow and 2 days after, although the end is in sight, the posting is far from over. As my dearest clinical group-mate was telling me the night before, my blog is dead. So, after having studied for a while, I've decided to take a break while waiting for Federer's 2nd round match at Roland Garros to start, and revive my blog with with Venus Williams playing in the background. Not to say that I'm done with studying (seriously, when will/can one EVER be done with studying anything in medicine).

Haven't had a long posting since the end of General Surgery posting in October 2009. Seniors say that 8 weeks of Orthopaedics is more than enough and in fact, a little too long for most people's liking. But at the end of 8 weeks, I feel that I've seen a lot of patients, seen most conditions that are 'must-know-must-see', but still not seen enough. Knowledge-wise, I feel like I know a bit of everything, but if you ask me to tell you about some particular condition, I probably can only do so in segmented bits and pieces. I guess preparing for MCQs and OSCEs is definitely different from preparing for essays. Perhaps there is merit in preparing for essays after all, which I believe we have to in 5th year, when we will be mugging like there's no day and night, and will be a real pain. But apart from content, these 8 weeks are worth reflecting upon.

I have had the privilege of having 2 different tutors in AH and NUH respectively. I can't belabour how very different they are, in their personality and attitude towards medical students. My mentor at AH is a really dedicated tutor, often willing to stay late, very late into the evenings to give us tutorials. I've got to admit that sometimes, this gets on my nerves because it disrupts my plans and schedules, but I really can't, and shouldn't fault a person for sacrificing his personal and family time to teach me. You definitely know this is the case when his wife and daughter call repeatedly to ask whether he's on his way back for dinner.

Probably not everyone would agree this is the right thing to do, and certainly it is not for me to judge. But it made me think, will I be like this in future? I'm quite certain I have workaholic tendencies, and while I know that there are greater and more important things than work.. I really don't know. Will my family, wife and kids (if I ever do have them. haha.) 'assess' me as someone who is so passionate and dedicated to his art and support wholly and fully for it, or secretly grudge that I'm someone who places them 2nd to his obsession with work. Everyone says 'balance', but I really wonder whether I'll be convicted to attain that.

Moving on to my experience at NUH. Initially, I thought I got the tutor from hell. Or so I heard from others. But after a week to two, my partner and I slowly adjusted and adapted, and we realised, 'hey, there's another side to this tutor after all', even as he slowly warmed up to our 'presence' (or so I believe, or hope). Into the 2nd week, he gave me and my partner each one patient to 'take care of', well that basically entails us giving him twice daily updates on how the patient's doing and so forth. Initially, this was a chore. I thought this was actually an effective way for him to track how early we come to hospital and how late (or early) we left. As time went by, this actually made me feel part of the team (or division, which comprised only 3 people, which effectively made me and partner the associate deputy vice heads of the division) caring for the patient. I wouldn't even mind checking on the patient in the morning, go home to study for the whole day, and coming back in the evening just to check on the patient again. Perhaps it's part due to obligation, but feeling part of the team and being involved in (and responsible for, though not directly) in the care of the patient, felt good.

I realise that I'm someone who is motivated by responsibility and obligation. (On a side note, must obligation have a negative connotation?) Some may think that there's a contradiction or irony in that statement, but I don't really think so, because I'm happy and it gives me satisfaction to fulfill my obligations. I tend to base a lot of my actions on meeting people's needs. It is a strong incentive for me to know that I can meet someone's needs.

Although my tutor isn't exactly the easiest person to work under/with, I have to say that he is a brilliant man. And for some reason, I can't bring myself to fault him for being arrogant or anything, because at the end of the day, his patients are grateful to him, those in his team learn substantially from him, and he deservedly does have the right to say that he is the best in his field. Maybe this gives his patients the confidence they need to have in him. And so it is with a tinge of regret to not have bade him and his team a proper farewell today in the midst of a busy clinic. Never before have I felt so attached to a team, and I think I'll definitely miss this feeling.

It's time to end this post. Federer's match has been repeatedly interrupted by rain. And just a passing thought to end off, I guess no matter how close you can be and how much fun you can have with a group of people, tensions do arise. Sometimes I wonder whether I get tired of being my persona, and desire to my 'self'. But there's this fear that people will 'react' to you not being your persona, therefore affecting group dynamics. The tensions in life.

Opinion, or Conviction?

Time to revive my blog once again. Anyone who pays close attention to this blog and observes the trends would probably be able to infer from the silence and deduce that there had been no major exams/EOPTs during this period of hiatus. Just a brief laundry list of what transpired over the past 1.5 months of silence:

1. M3 Pros (shortly after the last blogpost)
2. Cruise with CG
3. 4D3N trip to Hong Kong with a couple of friends (:
4. Leading worship for 林以诺布道会 Yeah Show 2010
5. Anaesthesia and Ophthalmology postings, both at TTSH

Not forgetting all the CG fun =)

Embarking on Orthopaedic surgery next at AH followed by NUH. More exciting days to come (:

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During the sermon today (Easter Sunday), the speaker exhorted and challenged us to be Christians driven to do what we do because we are compelled by God's love (2 Cor 5:14). However what really struck a chord with me was the point of opinion VS conviction.

Many of us hold the opinion that we want to change the way the live or do certain things, but do not have the conviction that we need to do so. This is probably the greatest barrier to change, and as a results, we always fall short. From what it seems, there is only one solution, which is to be compelled by God's love, so that it is no longer us who live, but Christ who lives in us.

The Board

"The Board is a dramatic film that explores the inside story of a human soul, represented by a board of directors comprised of six members. One by one the power brokers of the soul, including Mind, Memory, Emotion, Heart, Will, and Conscience, discuss and vote on seemingly mundane events, until a co-worker poses a dilemma with eternal consequences. Facing a powerful indictment, the board's hypocritical self-defense is exposed, as it wrestles with the ultimate decision every person must make."

The decision is a matter of the Heart.

The Prayer

This has been one of my favourite songs for a long time. Not only because the beauty of the song, but also for the absolutely fantastic voices of Josh Groban and Charlotte Church. Funny thing is, I've never looked up the translation of the Italian lyrics. Shows how often I actually listen/sing songs without knowing what they mean.

Now that I've searched it up. All the more beautiful it is. (:



Love the orchestra in this version too =)

(Translations in parentheses)

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

La luce che tu dai
(The light that you give)
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore resterà
(Will stay in our hearts)
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
(To remind us that)
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
(You are an everlasting star)
Nella mia preghiera
(In my prayer)
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'è
(There's so much faith)
When shadows fill our day

Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Sogniamo un mondo senza più violenza
(We dream of a world with no more violence)
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
(A world of justice and hope)
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
(Grasp your neighbors hand)
Simbolo di pace e di fraternità
(As a symbol of peace and brotherhood)

La forza che ci dai
(The strength that you give us)
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
(Is the wish that)
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi un cuore
(Everyone may find love)
We hope each soul we'll find
Intorno e dentro a sè
(In and around himself)
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child

Needs to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

E la fede che
(And the faith that)
Hai acceso in noi
(You've lit inside us)
Sento che ci salverà
(I feel will save us)

Looking for someone who wants to try this song with me (:

Would You Be There

2+ years back, a friend of mine asked for my help in figuring out the chords for this song. To his continuing disappointment, I always put it off saying that I was very busy with this and that. Well, actually I'm quite sure I really was, but I could have always made time. Afterall, it wouldn't take me more than half an hour to 45 minutes to figure out the chords. Ironically, the time I've finally chosen to work this is in the midst of preparation for M3 pros, after a whole day of studying (which is made much more fun with friends around (: ) in the library.

So anyway, the chord progression of this song is that of the typical Chinese ballad. A person once told me this is called the 流水式 progression, i.e. in C major, it's

C -- G/B -- Am -- C/G -- F -- C/E -- Dm --G(7)

70% of Chinese pop ballads probably have this chord progression at some point in the song (don't quote me on this though, perform your own cross-sectional/prevalence study if you want to be sure).

So to my dear friend, you will finally, after 2+ years, see the chords on Sunday. My Chinese New Year/Valentine's Day gift to you, and to the rest of the visitors to this blog, this song's for you. =) (Not like I composed it anyway - It's much easier to share things which you haven't worked for I guess. Haha.)

Why does my heart cry?

And we were talking about this on our way back to the library from dinner, how emotionally-charged this song is, and how Ewan McGregor brings out the emotions so well. Love the strings too.



We should watch Moulin Rouge together again some day. (:

Haiku

Surrounded by friends
Mugging for what is to come
I am not Alone.

Edit: Alternative 3rd line - "You are not Alone"